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Last time I posted I said that Trevor and I were dealing with some pretty devastating news. Ten days later our world was turned upside down by some amazing news. Now, I have these loves of my life:
I've been away....
4 October 2014 01:25It's been awhile. Like a really long while. In fact, I haven't posted since 2013.... early... 2013.
A lot has change, things have happened.... I no longer work at Best Buy/Geek Squad. This is a good and a bad thing. Good as I was going no where and they were taking advantage of me. I loved the people, but not the work.
Now I work at the company my husband has worked for since 2006. They are awesome, growing, and have made a pretty hefty promise to us that I believe in. It's been a struggle because I hate what I am currently doing, but I know it leads to bigger and better things.
Trevor and I are good, our relationship is strong. But we've recently hit some pretty hard walls and I am incredibly thankful we have each other. I still don't really know how much he's comfortable with me sharing so I will keep it vague and say this. Something we have talked about since our first date will probably never happen. There is this entire branch of our life that will never grow. Cheese? Yes. But I think people don't understand how incredibly heartbreaking it is.
Let's put it this way. If you ever here someone utter the phrase, "You should think about settling down and starting a family." Be prepared, because it has nothing to do with them "settling down."
We're still good though. We celebrated our four year wedding anniversary with his parents in August and had so much fun. A day at the State Fair with beer and farm animals was actually a great break in reality. Work is hard, but the extras are good. I got into Grad School and start in January. It will help with our company and I look forward to my future there.
I'm trying to be active again. I have been to the gym at least twice a week... except this week. But I'm still doing well. We do a lot of things to take our minds off of the shit that has fallen through lately, but we have each other which makes me incredibly happy. We're good.
So that's the state of what's what. Not much else to report. My cats are still insane.
A lot has change, things have happened.... I no longer work at Best Buy/Geek Squad. This is a good and a bad thing. Good as I was going no where and they were taking advantage of me. I loved the people, but not the work.
Now I work at the company my husband has worked for since 2006. They are awesome, growing, and have made a pretty hefty promise to us that I believe in. It's been a struggle because I hate what I am currently doing, but I know it leads to bigger and better things.
Trevor and I are good, our relationship is strong. But we've recently hit some pretty hard walls and I am incredibly thankful we have each other. I still don't really know how much he's comfortable with me sharing so I will keep it vague and say this. Something we have talked about since our first date will probably never happen. There is this entire branch of our life that will never grow. Cheese? Yes. But I think people don't understand how incredibly heartbreaking it is.
Let's put it this way. If you ever here someone utter the phrase, "You should think about settling down and starting a family." Be prepared, because it has nothing to do with them "settling down."
We're still good though. We celebrated our four year wedding anniversary with his parents in August and had so much fun. A day at the State Fair with beer and farm animals was actually a great break in reality. Work is hard, but the extras are good. I got into Grad School and start in January. It will help with our company and I look forward to my future there.
I'm trying to be active again. I have been to the gym at least twice a week... except this week. But I'm still doing well. We do a lot of things to take our minds off of the shit that has fallen through lately, but we have each other which makes me incredibly happy. We're good.
So that's the state of what's what. Not much else to report. My cats are still insane.
I don't keep up like I once used to. Can you believe that I've been an LJ member for almost 12 years? Me either.
I have many great friends. I feel pretty blessed in this. Blessed not being a word I use lightly.
My best friend has returned from a large southern state that I can only assume is made up of individuals in distinctive boots and ten gallon hats. My work husband has recently freed up from his clingy now-ex and can be friends with human beings again. I have close friends whom I wish I could see more often but always brighten my day when I do get to be with them. My husband still tells me he loves me and continues to do the "this is mine" mid-sleep bear-hug.
Money sucks, but money will always suck as along as we live in a vampiristic capitalist society.
But life is good. I am happy and I like to tell people that, a lot.
I have many great friends. I feel pretty blessed in this. Blessed not being a word I use lightly.
My best friend has returned from a large southern state that I can only assume is made up of individuals in distinctive boots and ten gallon hats. My work husband has recently freed up from his clingy now-ex and can be friends with human beings again. I have close friends whom I wish I could see more often but always brighten my day when I do get to be with them. My husband still tells me he loves me and continues to do the "this is mine" mid-sleep bear-hug.
Money sucks, but money will always suck as along as we live in a vampiristic capitalist society.
But life is good. I am happy and I like to tell people that, a lot.
A former coworker, whom I adored, stopped in the store today. I barely had time to say "hi," but she told another coworker that she wanted to hang out this afternoon. So he arranged for us to get together after work and all was well.
There was lots of "I don't work there anymore, please tell me about what's been going on!!" So we talked lots of gossip. Pretty normal for me. Then the conversation turned on gossip about me, which I don't view as gossip since I talk openly about things. It went something like this:
Dude: So the story was that the stripper pulled out your boobs and licked them. Then people are like, "is she Bi?" and I'm like, "no, she's married."
Me: I'm married. And I'm Bi.
Dude: ... ... Oh. Well that's a thing I didn't know.
Me: >smug look<
Old Co-Worker: ... So, everyone saw your tits?
Me: Only like 5 people, may have been the whole store for how quick that got around.
There was lots of "I don't work there anymore, please tell me about what's been going on!!" So we talked lots of gossip. Pretty normal for me. Then the conversation turned on gossip about me, which I don't view as gossip since I talk openly about things. It went something like this:
Dude: So the story was that the stripper pulled out your boobs and licked them. Then people are like, "is she Bi?" and I'm like, "no, she's married."
Me: I'm married. And I'm Bi.
Dude: ... ... Oh. Well that's a thing I didn't know.
Me: >smug look<
Old Co-Worker: ... So, everyone saw your tits?
Me: Only like 5 people, may have been the whole store for how quick that got around.
In a good place
28 February 2013 17:30My decision to leave Derby was a good one. A week later and I can already tell. I didn't have to fight my own negative emotions to force myself to go to practices. I didn't have to convince myself that there were still good reasons to be involved. I just let it be. Ok, so yes, I did field a call from our GM on Tuesday, begging me to reconsider and what can she do to make me stay? And I let her vent out a lot of her own frustrations at me. I also found out that others really do feel the same way I do about stuff, but they just haven't figured out what to do about things. Whatever. I will absolutely miss skating, but I won't miss the BS at all.
In only mildly related news, I'm in a great mood. I feel really good about things right now. Money is still incredibly tight. We're in debt again, but aside from that, we're hanging on and doing well.
Work is going good. I enjoy where I work, I love my coworkers (well most of them) and I feel like I'm really getting somewhere. Still waaaaay under paid but at least I'm paid. When I go to work I get frustrated because everyone and their brother wants me to do stuff for them and I feel like I'm constantly pulled in a thousand directions. Then I realize that's because I'm really fucking good at not just my job, but several others too. I'm relied upon at work. I'm a necessary piece of the puzzle that is that store now. That's good, I like it. And I'm interviewing for a new position at work soon which will be a big step in the right direction. It's going to be really tough competition but I really want it, I need to show that and take it.
Trevor and I are in a great place right now. We had some fairly heavy talks this weekend and sorted some things out that we've both let build up. Sometimes neither of us is very good at communicating. We both are always so damn afraid of chasing the other away, it's sad. Because neither of us is going anywhere. So we talked and got some stuff out there and now we're just damn happy again.
I'm trying really hard to maintain this newer, healthier lifestyle. I've been to the gym twice this week! I'm cutting way back on my snacking. Soda is no longer a part of my diet. Now for the two really hard ones. Cutting back on caffeine and drinking. I've been doing good, but it's hard. I drink anywhere from 2-5 cups of coffee a day. Drinking... well it's been better, but it can be bad. I tend to drink on nights where I don't have to work the next day. This week is the real test. I don't work again until Monday, so... But I'm trying!
Anyways. This is a positive post to put out in the world. I'm happy, really happy. Things are tough but good. I couldn't really ask for much more right now. Well... maybe a million dollars.
In only mildly related news, I'm in a great mood. I feel really good about things right now. Money is still incredibly tight. We're in debt again, but aside from that, we're hanging on and doing well.
Work is going good. I enjoy where I work, I love my coworkers (well most of them) and I feel like I'm really getting somewhere. Still waaaaay under paid but at least I'm paid. When I go to work I get frustrated because everyone and their brother wants me to do stuff for them and I feel like I'm constantly pulled in a thousand directions. Then I realize that's because I'm really fucking good at not just my job, but several others too. I'm relied upon at work. I'm a necessary piece of the puzzle that is that store now. That's good, I like it. And I'm interviewing for a new position at work soon which will be a big step in the right direction. It's going to be really tough competition but I really want it, I need to show that and take it.
Trevor and I are in a great place right now. We had some fairly heavy talks this weekend and sorted some things out that we've both let build up. Sometimes neither of us is very good at communicating. We both are always so damn afraid of chasing the other away, it's sad. Because neither of us is going anywhere. So we talked and got some stuff out there and now we're just damn happy again.
I'm trying really hard to maintain this newer, healthier lifestyle. I've been to the gym twice this week! I'm cutting way back on my snacking. Soda is no longer a part of my diet. Now for the two really hard ones. Cutting back on caffeine and drinking. I've been doing good, but it's hard. I drink anywhere from 2-5 cups of coffee a day. Drinking... well it's been better, but it can be bad. I tend to drink on nights where I don't have to work the next day. This week is the real test. I don't work again until Monday, so... But I'm trying!
Anyways. This is a positive post to put out in the world. I'm happy, really happy. Things are tough but good. I couldn't really ask for much more right now. Well... maybe a million dollars.
And so I quit
20 February 2013 11:07But hey, for just $20 a month I can remain a social member of the league and still participate in their parties.
Um. No?
Um. No?
I did go to practice last night. I stayed for less than half. It all started out well enough. Got there, got warmed up. Then announcements.
The interleague reps announced the team rosters for two mixers and a bout. I got rostered for the bout on May 3. Super Stoked! Then one of the training managers interrupts our applause to say that I can't be rostered because I'm not contact eligible nor am I in good standing with the leagues attendance policy.
Wow. Talk about an innapropriate venue to be told this. Yes, I knew my attendance was not good, it's been three weeks and I've been to one practice. Stupid hard life choices and all. But to announce it to the entire group? I asked if this wasn't the sort of thing that should be discussed in email instead and she blew me off. One of the IL reps pointed out, right away, that this is a MAY mixer and she was confident I would be in good standing then. Then other immediately came to me and said they would make it happen and not to worry.
But it was beyond worrying. I'm not worried. I know these girls would fight for me, I was just plain old pissed off and hurt by our Training Reps attitude.
I angrily skated through the next 45 minutes. Saw both IL reps arguing with the Training Rep for about half of our pyramid drill. Just kept going. Then, during a drill that I was not allowed to participate (see aforementioned contact ineligibility) the Training Rep was going over some blocking stuff. A couple girls asked some questions about the current rules set and how annoying part of it was and how do you deal with it. Her basic answer was "These are the new rules, just deal with it." I had a different take on it. So I put my hand up in the air, waited patiently and the other Training Rep called on me.
I said something along the lines of, "If a girl is skating on your ass and pushing you around, just hit her back. Her entire front torso is a target zone, get her off you, don't wait for her to give up."
I barely finished the sentence when Training Rep says "That's not the point," and starts to move on. Isn't it? I know we're talking about positional blocking right now, wouldn't a more effect response be, "That's a great point and we'll go over how to effectively sheriff at a later time. Definitely something to keep in mind though!"
One of the other girls came to me right away and said, "I hadn't thought of it like that, great point!" To which I responded, "apparently not."
I stood angrily for a minute or so and then just said fuck it, I'm done; degeared and left. I nearly cried the entire drive home.
So, long story not any shorter, I think I'm taking a break. This current regime is killing what the rec league used to be. It's not fun. My closest friends are all gone. I feel alone and outnumbered. I think I'm going to call it quits this season, focus on the gym and getting stronger. Then I think I may just try out for MRD again. There's been enough movement in those ranks that I may have a shot again. Many of my close MWD friends are now rostered skaters. It's something to think long and hard about.
I fucking love Roller Derby. I love skating. I love what it's done for me and to me in mind and body. But I can't keep putting myself through this emotionally right now.
The interleague reps announced the team rosters for two mixers and a bout. I got rostered for the bout on May 3. Super Stoked! Then one of the training managers interrupts our applause to say that I can't be rostered because I'm not contact eligible nor am I in good standing with the leagues attendance policy.
Wow. Talk about an innapropriate venue to be told this. Yes, I knew my attendance was not good, it's been three weeks and I've been to one practice. Stupid hard life choices and all. But to announce it to the entire group? I asked if this wasn't the sort of thing that should be discussed in email instead and she blew me off. One of the IL reps pointed out, right away, that this is a MAY mixer and she was confident I would be in good standing then. Then other immediately came to me and said they would make it happen and not to worry.
But it was beyond worrying. I'm not worried. I know these girls would fight for me, I was just plain old pissed off and hurt by our Training Reps attitude.
I angrily skated through the next 45 minutes. Saw both IL reps arguing with the Training Rep for about half of our pyramid drill. Just kept going. Then, during a drill that I was not allowed to participate (see aforementioned contact ineligibility) the Training Rep was going over some blocking stuff. A couple girls asked some questions about the current rules set and how annoying part of it was and how do you deal with it. Her basic answer was "These are the new rules, just deal with it." I had a different take on it. So I put my hand up in the air, waited patiently and the other Training Rep called on me.
I said something along the lines of, "If a girl is skating on your ass and pushing you around, just hit her back. Her entire front torso is a target zone, get her off you, don't wait for her to give up."
I barely finished the sentence when Training Rep says "That's not the point," and starts to move on. Isn't it? I know we're talking about positional blocking right now, wouldn't a more effect response be, "That's a great point and we'll go over how to effectively sheriff at a later time. Definitely something to keep in mind though!"
One of the other girls came to me right away and said, "I hadn't thought of it like that, great point!" To which I responded, "apparently not."
I stood angrily for a minute or so and then just said fuck it, I'm done; degeared and left. I nearly cried the entire drive home.
So, long story not any shorter, I think I'm taking a break. This current regime is killing what the rec league used to be. It's not fun. My closest friends are all gone. I feel alone and outnumbered. I think I'm going to call it quits this season, focus on the gym and getting stronger. Then I think I may just try out for MRD again. There's been enough movement in those ranks that I may have a shot again. Many of my close MWD friends are now rostered skaters. It's something to think long and hard about.
I fucking love Roller Derby. I love skating. I love what it's done for me and to me in mind and body. But I can't keep putting myself through this emotionally right now.
I think I'm finally feeling derby burn out.
I haven't been to practice in two weeks. Mostly because of real life intrusions, but partly because I let real life intrude. The truly sad part is that I'm no missing it.
I'm not happy in derby anymore. I haven't been at all this session. It has gone places that I don't agree with. Our practices have been cut short so that we can have more people. We have suffered more injuries in the past 8 months than in the first 3 years I participated. When I am at practice, I'm forcing myself to be a part of it, but I'm always separate from the crowd. I've grown so distant from the ladies, I just don't feel like I belong anymore.
I type this, an hour before I have to leave for practice. I'm trying to talk myself into going. Like I said, it's been two weeks since I've last gone.
But there's this other part of me that is just screaming at me, calling me a quitter. I've always been a quitter. But I've always grown tired of things, usually faster than this. The fact that I've made it 4 years is a minor miracle in my book. I just wish I still had the heart for it. The sport used to bring me such joy, but it also used to be so very different.
:sigh:
I think I just need to suck it up and hope it comes back to what it was when I first started.
I haven't been to practice in two weeks. Mostly because of real life intrusions, but partly because I let real life intrude. The truly sad part is that I'm no missing it.
I'm not happy in derby anymore. I haven't been at all this session. It has gone places that I don't agree with. Our practices have been cut short so that we can have more people. We have suffered more injuries in the past 8 months than in the first 3 years I participated. When I am at practice, I'm forcing myself to be a part of it, but I'm always separate from the crowd. I've grown so distant from the ladies, I just don't feel like I belong anymore.
I type this, an hour before I have to leave for practice. I'm trying to talk myself into going. Like I said, it's been two weeks since I've last gone.
But there's this other part of me that is just screaming at me, calling me a quitter. I've always been a quitter. But I've always grown tired of things, usually faster than this. The fact that I've made it 4 years is a minor miracle in my book. I just wish I still had the heart for it. The sport used to bring me such joy, but it also used to be so very different.
:sigh:
I think I just need to suck it up and hope it comes back to what it was when I first started.
This last Saturday morning was amazing. It reminded me why I got into derby and stick with it for three hours.
I felt so good about how I played. Even after looking back and realizing I skated about a total of 12 minutes during the bout, it was still so worth every second. I skated well (for the most part), I took some amazing hits from some amazing people and I finally got to be seen by some important to me friends.
I've had to fight some feelings about derby lately. I've questioned if I am starting to hit derby burn-out. It seems and inevitability with any skater, so I'm not shocked I was getting to that point. But Saturday reminded me of something. I'm burning out because of the drama, not the sport. I still love to play. It's the first and only sport I've truly felt I excelled at and belonged a part of. Derby has made me feel so amazing about who I am. I am comfortable in my own skin because of derby. I have confidence because of derby. I will not let the drama llama drag me down.
I say all this after having a very entertaining chat with a member of the derby community today. He came into work and talked to me about Saturday. He brought up mid-season and summer drafting and wanted to be sure I was in the pool. I'm not. I chose not to be. I couldn't deal with the heartbreak again. He then told me what a waste he thought it was that I wasn't a part of it.
Then he told me something I found most interesting. After being told, last year, that I would never be drafted because I didn't have the "right attitude" and people didn't want to deal with my "issues", that captains approached him and wanted to know his opinion on me and my draftability.
He told me this, I shrug it off and thought "a day late and a dollar short."
That's where I am now. I'm okay with who I am, what I've done and who I am going to be. I have some awesome memories of Saturday. I will continue to skate recreationally. I will continue to be awesome. What more can a girl ask for in life?
I felt so good about how I played. Even after looking back and realizing I skated about a total of 12 minutes during the bout, it was still so worth every second. I skated well (for the most part), I took some amazing hits from some amazing people and I finally got to be seen by some important to me friends.
I've had to fight some feelings about derby lately. I've questioned if I am starting to hit derby burn-out. It seems and inevitability with any skater, so I'm not shocked I was getting to that point. But Saturday reminded me of something. I'm burning out because of the drama, not the sport. I still love to play. It's the first and only sport I've truly felt I excelled at and belonged a part of. Derby has made me feel so amazing about who I am. I am comfortable in my own skin because of derby. I have confidence because of derby. I will not let the drama llama drag me down.
I say all this after having a very entertaining chat with a member of the derby community today. He came into work and talked to me about Saturday. He brought up mid-season and summer drafting and wanted to be sure I was in the pool. I'm not. I chose not to be. I couldn't deal with the heartbreak again. He then told me what a waste he thought it was that I wasn't a part of it.
Then he told me something I found most interesting. After being told, last year, that I would never be drafted because I didn't have the "right attitude" and people didn't want to deal with my "issues", that captains approached him and wanted to know his opinion on me and my draftability.
He told me this, I shrug it off and thought "a day late and a dollar short."
That's where I am now. I'm okay with who I am, what I've done and who I am going to be. I have some awesome memories of Saturday. I will continue to skate recreationally. I will continue to be awesome. What more can a girl ask for in life?
It officially happened, I started school last week. After almost 10 years since earning my first BA, I'm back in school for my second. This time around I'm seeking a BA in Communications: Public Relations with a Minor in Advertising. So far it's going really well. I've only had a week of classes, but for the most part I really enjoy them. The only sticking point is the reading. My god, I really didn't expect to have so much text book reading and it's just so dry and boring. Hard to focus and retain. I'm a Rock Star in lectures and discussions however.
This program is also full of practical experience projects. Which are good. I feel I have a good foundation for this and practice can only make me stronger in the field.
I did not get the best schedule. I was only able to pick up one class and was not able to get into better sections of classes. This is unfortunate as I am driving to Whitewater 4 days a week. My Monday/Wednesday class doesn't start until 3:30, so I'm going to the gym a few hours before class and then cramming the subject matter into my brain. Tuesday/Thursday I have 3 classes from 8am to 3:30pm with a minimum of an hour and a half between them all. So, again, study time.
I loved Platteville and I miss Platteville and this place definitely has the nostalgia hitting me full force. But there are definitely some pluses to coming here. The student center is better. Much better than P-ville had when we were there and I'm fairly certain than the new one. Even though I've only been in the new one a couple times, this one does have an Uno's in it's basement. There are also a ton of nooks and crannies to hide in to read or get online. Though I do miss the creepy library lounge they got rid of at P-ville.
Overall things are going well and I feel really good about it. But now it's time to get to my next class. Organizational Communication, it's a lot more interesting than one with think.
This program is also full of practical experience projects. Which are good. I feel I have a good foundation for this and practice can only make me stronger in the field.
I did not get the best schedule. I was only able to pick up one class and was not able to get into better sections of classes. This is unfortunate as I am driving to Whitewater 4 days a week. My Monday/Wednesday class doesn't start until 3:30, so I'm going to the gym a few hours before class and then cramming the subject matter into my brain. Tuesday/Thursday I have 3 classes from 8am to 3:30pm with a minimum of an hour and a half between them all. So, again, study time.
I loved Platteville and I miss Platteville and this place definitely has the nostalgia hitting me full force. But there are definitely some pluses to coming here. The student center is better. Much better than P-ville had when we were there and I'm fairly certain than the new one. Even though I've only been in the new one a couple times, this one does have an Uno's in it's basement. There are also a ton of nooks and crannies to hide in to read or get online. Though I do miss the creepy library lounge they got rid of at P-ville.
Overall things are going well and I feel really good about it. But now it's time to get to my next class. Organizational Communication, it's a lot more interesting than one with think.
MRD Commercial!
13 January 2010 14:09I currently only have an FB link to this, but check out the first MRD Commercial of the year. And ignore the silly Ref behind the bar, she makes funny faces because she was trying to laugh.
I have been following ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-syndicated.gif)
fact_check_feed since ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
thefreak posted it to his journal. It's a good, neutral, source of information on the candidates and their less than truthful ad campaigns.
Gotta love politics.
fact_check_feed since thefreak posted it to his journal. It's a good, neutral, source of information on the candidates and their less than truthful ad campaigns. Gotta love politics.
A spam email had in it a URL.... which was filter through tinyurl.com
Guess they're getting a "little" smarter.
Guess they're getting a "little" smarter.
For those on my flist who don't subscribe to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
madisonwi or lj_biz, Six apart is going to begin "data mining" all journals for information. So. If you don't want to, go here and follow the instructions at the bottom.
madisonwi or lj_biz, Six apart is going to begin "data mining" all journals for information. So. If you don't want to, go here and follow the instructions at the bottom.oh fuck no.
25 May 2007 08:37i plugged in my usb hd... the little WD one. the one i love so much. and it won't connect. i hear it spin up and then this little "donk" noise. over and over again. i need my drive. waaaaaaaaaah!!!
oh and for some reason my toshiba won't talk to my internets. even with the cable plugged in. *sigh*
off to work.
oh and for some reason my toshiba won't talk to my internets. even with the cable plugged in. *sigh*
off to work.
sign it, yo
8 May 2007 14:29not_eurotic has started this petition to be submitted to the governor to california (sr. schwarzenfocker) to not pardon twitty mctwit. so, yeah. just thought i would cross post it here for me friends who didn't see it on his LJ. ;)
i remembered a couple places i wanted to look at apartments, last night. so intead of jumping in headfirst, i'm doing a wee bit more research. a couple places on my list are Olbrich by the Lake, Monona Shores and Hanover Square.
So. if anyone happens to have additional info on these places that would be cool. i'm gonna call and see if i can schedule a viewing or three.
So. if anyone happens to have additional info on these places that would be cool. i'm gonna call and see if i can schedule a viewing or three.
my allergies have started. i don't like this, not one bit. i'm all sniffly and eyes are itchy and i'm tired and crabby.
i fucking hate my allergies.
oh and it's cold again. grrr...
however, 70 degrees on saturday? i'm thinking i should hit up the farmers market... and do stuff outside! w00t! any one wanna join me?
i fucking hate my allergies.
oh and it's cold again. grrr...
however, 70 degrees on saturday? i'm thinking i should hit up the farmers market... and do stuff outside! w00t! any one wanna join me?
